My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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