I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
