you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
