I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
