i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
