I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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