So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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