I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize