Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
