Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
