i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
