You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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