member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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