Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
