what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There r osticjed everywhere
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
