Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
