suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
