I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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