Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
