:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
