Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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