I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
