My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
