Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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