Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
