the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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