how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
