I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
