R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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