6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
