have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
