Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
