I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You can't just leave with hair like that
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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