Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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