just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
