So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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