Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
