ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
