Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
