If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
