took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
