i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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