She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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