We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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