Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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