This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
