I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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