If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
