your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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