you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
