I wish my penis had an off switch
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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