I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
