my vag is so smooth its legendary
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
