i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
