I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
