In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
