I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How does it feel to date your dad?
and you fell through a lawn chair
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
