just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
