Already got asked if we're dating
I'm lost and stupid without you.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
