Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
