Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
