i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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