He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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