How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
