How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
